Wedding Bells
by myfavoriteloser
Summary: Sasuke didn't see how it was fair that he got yelled at for not wanting to partake in his older brother's sham of a wedding to some home-wrecking harlot.


_**So I have no idea where this sudden obsession with Sasuke-centric stuff is coming from, but all I want to do right now is write humor fics about him.**_

_**So, here is a one-shot that bugged me to no end.**_

_**I'll probably end up posting more of these random one-shots, and I'll probably end up starting another continuous story even though I shouldn't.**_

**_Also, as a warning, Sakura speaks with an accent that I didn't feel like writing in so I just said what it was and it's up to your imagination to do the rest._**

* * *

_**Wedding Bells**_

_Sasuke didn't see how it was fair that he got yelled_

_at for not wanting to partake in his older brother's sham of a wedding_

_to some home-wrecking harlot._

* * *

"What about this one?" the red haired woman asked, stepping onto the platform and twirling around in her latest wedding-dress maybe.

The gown itself was gorgeous. The top was styled like a corset that accented her curves perfectly, and its beautifully placed sequins glittered in the light. From the positively enchanted expression Sasuke could see behind her glasses, he knew this was _the one_.

"…You look like a fat cow." The woman's entire being slumped in complete and utter heartbreak, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to suppress the smug smirk threatening to force its way onto his face.

"Sasuke!" his mother scowled, smacking the 24-year-old on the arm in reprisal; he just shrugged and flipped a page of the Rolling Stones magazine sitting in his lap.

He leaned against one of the armrests on the chair he was sitting in, resting his chin in his palm and pretending to read an article about Hugh Jackman. He didn't know what his mother had hoped to accomplish by bringing him along to find the dress and sending the bride's sister suit-shopping with his brother, the groom, and their father, but he did not approve of this wedding _at all_, and he was going to do his best to make the preparation for it utter Hell.

"It's all right, Mikoto," the red-head replied, though Sasuke could tell it pained her to do so, "if we didn't want his opinion he wouldn't be here. I'll just go try on another one I picked out."

"If you must," his mother smiled warmly, "but that one really does look darling on you." The woman stepped down and began maneuvering her way to the dressing rooms at the back of the store.

As soon as she was lost amongst the sea of bustling future brides, Mikoto rounded on her son with a furious glower.

"Sasuke," she began calmly, "why on Earth would you tell Karin that she looked like a fat cow in that dress when you know fit amazingly on her?" he shrugged without looking up.

"You heard her, mother," he drawled, turning a page, "if she didn't want my opinion, I wouldn't be here."

Mikoto hit her son again; this time on the top of his head.

"…This is about Konan, isn't?" she asked, sighing and running her fingers through her long raven hair.

"Konan had been our friend since preschool, and everyone could tell that she and Itachi belonged together. Then when they _finally_ start dating, he cheats on her with _that_," he points in the direction Karin disappeared, "and you expect me to be all whoop-de-fucking-do because they're getting married? No way in Hell."

Sasuke looked back down at his magazine, bottom lip poking out in a_ not_ pout.

"Oh come on, Sasuke. I know the way they met wasn't ideal—"

"She's a backdoor whore."

"—But they're in love and we should be celebrating with them, not hovering around like a gigantic thundercloud waiting to ruin their big day. I was hoping you'd be more mature about this."

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm the _only _one being mature about this."

Karin reemerged from the crowd and stepped onto the platform in what Sasuke could only describe as a sparkly white trash bag. It was loose, had no shape whatsoever, and made her look like a huge, _wide_ surfboard. He smirked.

"You look sex—"his mother jabbed him painfully in the ribs.

"I think the other one was much better, dear. Now all we need is a pair of shoes."

"Oh good," Karin brightened, "I think I saw the perfect pair!"

She scurried off to find the shoes, returning a little while later already wearing the dress. When she lifted up her skirts to show them, Sasuke took one look and said:

"You have man feet."

..

..

..

Sasuke sat outside Leaf Condominiums, waiting for Karin's sister to come down so they could pick out the cake and wondering if everyone had just said "To Hell with tradition!" since the groom was a cheating bastard and the bride a home-wrecking wench anyway. He was honestly dreading today's events. He was most likely going to hate Karin's sister, and she was probably going to spend the entire time gushing about how wonderful the wedding was going to be and talking highly of his brother and flirting shamelessly with him. In fact, the whole situation reeked of foul play; he wouldn't be surprised if this whole thing was some kind of match-making ploy.

"Sasuke Uchiha?"

Sasuke turned swiftly at the sound of his name, gaze landing on the woman he assumed to be the one he was waiting for.

She seemed to be the exact opposite of her sister. While Karin's hair was bright red and messily layered, hers was pale pink and pin straight. Karin had narrow scarlet eyes; hers were wide and mint green. Her petite frame was thin; her sister's tall body had curves to spare. Karin was pretty enough, but this woman looked almost unreal, like a delicate, porcelain doll.

"I'm Sakura Haruno," she said, offering him a hand, "it's a pleasure to meet you."

Her Scottish accent caught him momentarily by surprise, but he quickly remembered Karin saying once that she was only half Japanese, and that her mother and sister moved back to her mother's hometown, Glasgow, Scotland, after her parents divorced. If he remembered correctly, Sakura had only returned to The States a few years ago.

"Sasuke Uchiha." They shook hands firmly, and Sakura pulled her thick shades down with a heavy sigh.

"Well let's go ahead and get this over with then."

"You don't seem very excited." Sasuke observed, opening the driver's door of his black Porsche and sliding behind the wheel.

"That's because I'm not." She replied, wrenching the passenger's door open.

"My sister doesn't deserve to marry a good looking man with a lot of money; it's just going to make her more of an insufferable dobber than she is now." She paused before getting in.

"…Even if said man is a filthy cheater, no offense of course." He smirked.

"None taken."

"So I'm assuming you and your sister don't get along?" he inquired once they found themselves stuck in traffic on their way to the caterer's.

"Please, she couldn't even get along with herself." Sakura sniffed.

"She's always been a whiney brat that tried to act all sweet around our parents, and now she's doing the same thing to Mikoto and Itachi. The only reason she's even letting us pick out the cake is so we won't be there nitpicking while she finalizes the venue for the reception."

"Ah." That made sense, because if Sasuke was there, he'd be doing everything in his power to find something horribly wrong each and every dining hall they went to.

The pair fell back into a comfortable silence, simultaneously bobbing their heads along with the radio.

"I love red velvet cake." Sakura piped suddenly. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"So?"

"Karin _hates_ it." he pondered the thought for a moment before smirking devilishly.

"So does Itachi."

..

..

..

The wedding was a grand affair. Everywhere you turned, there were bouquets of white carnations and long strips of satin hanging beautifully from the ceiling, walls, and chairs; the largest piece running all the way down the aisle to the alter. Every person Itachi and Karin had ever met was in attendance, dressed to impress but not to the point where they'd outshine the bride. The best organist in the country was playing classic wedding songs so perfectly that it made all the guests "ooh" and "ah."

All of it just made Sasuke sick.

The only consolation he had was the fact that he got to escort Sakura, who had become the Bonnie to his Clyde over the past few months, down the aisle. They walked slowly, whispering outrageous last minute plans to stop this sham of a union in each other's ears. To the guests, however, it appeared as if they had also been bitten by the love bug, and they "Aw'ed" at what they thought was a young couple murmuring sweet nothings to one another, not two naughty younger siblings concocting diabolical schemes.

"Seriously, Sasuke-kun, all we have to do is say you're pregnant with Karin's baby; it will totally work."

"I'd rather not have my virtue questioned, thank you. Why can't we just say _you're_ pregnant with _Itachi's_ baby? Everyone already knows that he's a manipulating womanizer."

"I don't want to be known as the even sluttier sister of the slutty bride!" Sasuke had to struggle to maintain a straight face.

"Okay fine. On the count of three, I'm going to pick you up, spin you around, and throw you at the organist. You've got to make sure you hit him at just the right angle to snap his neck, so Karin won't know when to come in because he can't play "Here Comes the Bride" if he's dead." Sakura tried to cover up her snort of laughter with a faux cough.

"You're a psychopath." they parted ways after that, much to Sasuke's chagrin.

The rest of the wedding party took their places, and the organist had barely switched songs before Sasuke's bratty little cousin Kin skipped through the sanctuary doors in her poufy pink dress, slinging flower petals everywhere. His creepy uncle Orochimaru was hovering discreetly by the doorway, attempting to call back his daughter (who had obviously come out too early). Once the six-year-old hit the point of no return without so much as looking back, Orochimaru threw his hands up with a rather distinguishable curse, and slipped into the sanctuary to find a seat.

The bride didn't emerge right away, leaving the some of the guests to wonder if she had gotten cold feet. But when she finally did appear with her father standing tall and proud by her side, everyone was left speechless. Even Sasuke had to (grudgingly) admit that she looked stunning with her hair lightly curled in all the right places and her make-up done to perfection.

Sasuke fought the urge to fidget for the rest of the ceremony, which was extremely hard to do when his stiff, uncomfortable suit kept making him itch in all the _wrong _places. He figured that it must have been Itachi's revenge for all his bitching during the planning stages of the wedding, but at least it wasn't as bad as the horrible, mermaid-style dresses that the bridesmaids had to wear; he could remember Sakura complaining how she could barely move in it, let alone breathe.

"—speak now, or forever hold your peace!"

Sasuke hadn't even opened his mouth before his mother, who was sitting in the front row, gave him a dirty look that practically screamed "I dare you." He glanced at Sakura, who was on the receiving end of a similar glare from her father. Her eyes met his, and they both smirked in conspiracy. With them silenced, no one spoke up against the union (Though Sasuke was pretty sure that the wedding wouldn't have stopped even if anyone had; he just wanted to be an ass.).

"Then, without further ado, you may now kiss the bride!"

The sanctuary erupted into applause and cheers.

..

..

..

When Itachi fed Karin the first piece of wedding cake during the reception only to have it promptly spat back in his face, and Sakura high-fived him slyly under the table, Sasuke _knew_ he had to be in love.

..

..

..

**_As always, sorry for any mistakes. I'm not very good at checking behind myself._**

**_Hope you enjoyed. _**


End file.
